Friday, January 30, 2015

Hello Everyone!!

Okay so, this week has been hard. Haha. No surprise. Its not suppose to be easy. And i would never ever want it to be. And i can honestly say i never expected it to be in the first place. I still love it here dont get me wrong, but this has without a doubt been the hardest and yet most rewarding week of my life. Its so weird to feel like you can go from the lowest youve ever felt to the highest all in the same day. And this week has been exactly that. Haha. I have gone from feelings of homesickness, wondering why Im here, feeling the most inadequate ive ever felt, feeling like i cant teach for the life of me. But those feelings only come from one place. And its not heaven. Its crazy to say but i have seriously grown so much in the last week then ever before! And i cant wait to experience more!
But first Ill start with a very important lesson I learned early in the week....IT´S NOT ABOUT YOU!!!, let me explain. Elder Holland said that missionary work is just as much about the missionaries as it is the investigators. And that is completely true, as missionaries it is our duty to make sure that we are worthy of this work, and most importantly that we are converted unto the Lord. Because if we ourselves aren't converted then how in the world can we expect to convert others. So when i say its not about you, this is really what i mean...don't focus on yourself. You are here for the Lord and your focus needs to be Him and his other children. And this week i noticed a difference in my teaching. When i was focusing on myself and how I was going to teach things, the lesson crashed and burned. And i felt like i had let my Heavenly Father down. For example, In class we do role playing constantly, where you and your companion pretend to be an investigator and or missionary and then switch roles....well each time I tried to focus on how well I (emphasis on the I) was teaching nothing came to my mind. I would talk about the doctrine and everything but everything would just go not according to how i planned it. And i thought ''If i cant even teach a member, how in the world am I going to teach and investigator??''...well the problem was this...I was focused on myself and on how well I was teaching...I wasn't even leaving room for the spirit to come in and take over. And so ive learned that in order to be an effective teacher of a missionary, you 1) focus on the investigator most importantly and figure out what THEY NEED 2) prepare as best as you possibly can to apply the doctrines of the gospel to their needs. And 3) pray for the guidance of the Holy Ghost and then let the Lord take over from there, so that the Holy Ghost can bring to remembrance the things that you have studied and learned....Those are some of the most important things i have learned this week. Elder Bednar said it better than i did...''Get over yourself! Get out of the way and let the spirit guide you.'' is only by the spirit that we are able to teach the gospel. We as missionaries can only teach knowledge. We can only help others to KNOW something. We cant make them UNDERSTAND, because only one thing can enter into the hearts of men and that is the Holy Ghost. And so honestly once you forget yourself and go to work for the Lord, only then, I believe, will you have the most success as a missionary...Because WE ARE DEALING WITH THE SOULS OF MEN HERE!!...And we cant afford to let our own pride get in the way of spreading this glorious gospel...That all probably seems harsh now that i read it over haha but its true. And it has definitely been a humbling experience for me. 
Another thing I really want to tell you guys about this week was about on tuesday when we sang in the choir for devo. We sang ''I Feel My Savior's Love'' and i LOVE that song!!! but this week it became even more meaningful to me. Our choir instructor is the BEST!! Seriously. He is. But anyway as we were singing, we came across the part that says ''He knows I will follow Him. Give all my life to Him.'' And during practice he paused, and asked us this question..''Does He?...Does He know?' and for a moment he looked at us, and we all shook our heads saying 'Yes' and he said to us, ''Then SHOW Him.''  and that struck me. Because I have always assumed that The Savior knows that i will follow Him...but it is not a matter of just saying that you will, it is a matter of SHOWING Him that you will. But showing Him in the very small everyday acts that you do. Showing Him by doing EVERYTHING that he has asked of you. And this week more then ever all I have wanted to do is SHOW my Savior that I love Him. I can definitely feel His love, even when I don't deserve it. But can He feel my love for Him? I want Him to. More than anything. I will do WHATEVER He asks of me, no matter how hard it may be. Because I love Him. And because He loves me.  
One more thing I want you all to know. This week at devotional Elder Larry Kacher spoke and he asked this question...''What Manner of Missionary Are You Going to Be?'' and so to apply it to everyone else...''What Manner of Disciple Are You Going to Be?''...because its your choice. He then went on to talk about being a Consecrated Missionary...So ill give you an example to better explain this. Think of the oil that we use for blessing the sick and the afflicted. When a worthy priesthood holder blesses that oil or CONSECRATES it, he is setting it apart specifically and only for the use of blessing the sick and the afflicted. It only has one purpose. And so as missionaries we have been set apart, but it is up to us whether we decide to be consecrated missionaries. Deciding to have only one purpose, which is to serve the Lord with all our heart, might, mind and strength. And so i ask you again...what manner of missionary will you be? 

I love you all more than youll ever know! Thank you for all of your letters and packages I love them! Im sorry I dont have much time to email you all individually but I please know that I love you all and that I love our Savior more!! Ill write you all soon! 

Sister Callaway

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